A life stirs within me… My body changes with it every night.
I have heard that every woman has a different pregnancy experience, ranging from those that they might anticipate to those that come completely out of the blue. Knowing how my body might respond to the various pregnancy stages is useful and knowing how my emotions may change during the wait is also helpful.
When I missed my period, I had a slight hunch on being pregnant for the first time. So, I checked to see if I was and I remember rushing to the clinic with overwhelming joy.
Early on in my pregnancy, I felt all kinds of aches and pains, the morning sickness was not just morning-related, constipation, food cravings, aversions, heartburn, and indigestion were quite unbearable. “How did I survive these days?”; everything feels a lot like a dream now when I look back at the spent days. The need to urinate more frequently, back pains, tiredness, leg cramps, ankle swelling, and the discomforts had no limits and often made it difficult for me to get through my typical day.
I experienced a lot of ups and downs while pregnant. My emotions were always on a roller coaster ride that still lack definitions.
Having the greatest joy growing within my tummy, I was happy throughout; despite all discomforts. But with every bit of happiness, the pain lingered through. Happiness, for being able to conceive a new life and feeling it growing healthily within me.
Distress, from all the pain within the body, worries, and anxiety bundling up inside my mind.
I remember talking for hours at the clinic drowning in my own tears in front of the Obstetrician, but with counseling and family support, I could get over the constant agonies.
My body’s hormonal changes might have probably caused my emotions which I learned later, both the good and bad which fluctuated from time to time. While I was ecstatic about having a child, I also felt the anxiety swallowing me in again and again when the day was approaching.
Once in life, I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready to accept the little ball of life, to welcome the world of motherhood. But when it finally came to me, a tiny but intense expectation flared within me. New hope and motherly love were filling my heart, to give birth to a baby, to raise him/her up well, and to teach him/her to love life. An excitement to challenge the brand-new experience and make it all mine… Women are created strong to bring happiness to the world. Aren’t they?
By Rtr. Nadeesha Madurangi
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