FOREVER HOME

“Mama I’m going out”, I look at your reflection in the mirror. A young adult staring right back at me with eyes that resemble my own; trying to devour life with fierce determination, with wisdom in words and elegance in the posture,

A tiny blob printed on a black and white sonogram flashes in my mind 
while echoes of first steps resonate around me
My inner self screams in agony
watching you let go of my hand stepping into the blinding light
Head held high as you take in all thorns and roses thrown in your way 
with a smile exactly how I taught you
Heart set in line for a tug of war
to give my best and protect the miracle I built with my own blood and flesh 
I step forward on instinct only to realize
You won the battle on your own and will continue to do so 
Pride overwhelms my heart
Smiling as I watch from afar
Everything goes…I lower my eyes

Memories of the family dinners overwhelm me
filled with cheeky laughs and never-ending chitter chatter
“my favorite time” you used to say
Just because you wanted to rant to mama on daily adventures about the puppy on the sidewalk
and the strolls in the park with friends
I watch as the silence at the dinner table surrounds me now
Only to be interrupted by a little laugh you let out here and there
A ray of hope trying to crawl out when I hear those laughs 
“Will we be able to have a dinner like the old days? Just this once?”
Throat closing up with an emotional whirlwind
I raise my head as memories of your bubbly younger self echoes in my heart 
Only to see eyes immersed in the illuminating screen of a phone
Its reflection dancing across your eyes betraying the fire in my heart
Everything goes… I lower my eyes

Standing in the middle of nowhere in a frozen frame
I look at polaroids on the wall with a faraway look 
Missing teeth and gummy smiles knocking on my heart 
“Wish I can make you stay, Just for one day
Because when I let go, Will you fly far away?”
My mind races as a rush of uncertainty wash over my soul
 Everything goes… I lower my head

A door creaks announcing a presence
“Mama I’m home”… 
I snap my eyes back in a blink of an eye 
sparkling eyes reflecting the whole universe in them
stares at me with so much love and trust
a comforting smile that seems to know the storm in my heart 
Reaching out for the warmth in my arms
Reminding me of the strength of a mother 
To hold through breakdowns
To heal when wings get damaged while flying high 
To be the forever home that you need
I wrap my arms around my miracle whispering

“Indeed you are home, honey… Forever and Always!”

By Rtr. Isuri Senavirathne